as Olivia said, love is embarrassing !!

 Hello, I'm BluePuffin!!

 Once again, Im back, and with a poem. No promises this time. My own promise made me feel with disappointed last time. Unironically, I chose to share the song “Promise” by Laufey with u guys. I also decided to recommend Olivia Rodrigo’s song “love is embarrassing”. May u like this entry <3

 

regretful present

i was ready to confront my destiny,

to walk in front of me, no regard to society

i am also sure to live nicely

my love life and real life, but there’s some jealousy 

but time doesn’t last

I’m looking at my past

but what was this what went past

what was this that went past

but time doesn’t last

and i avoid my past

but what was this what went past

what was this that went past

I would meet myself and be enough

both in life and love, though they might feel rough

the truth was something that i once knew

but i let me farewell you, i let me farewell you

but time doesn’t last

I’m looking at my past

but what was this what went past

what was this that went past

but time doesn’t last

and i avoid my past

but what was this what went past

what was this that went past

i’m blast

love is like a huge blank void

infatuation, the creation of a world

“talking” does not seem like a bad word

but i avoid, 

i avoid

24 march 2025

 This poem is the English version of a poem I wrote in French on the 3rd of March. This is a song about how I was ready to move on from a past infatuation, but yet still avoidant of confrontation and my past doings. You know when you do things in the past but they haunt you in the present, as you regret them more and more? That’s what I wrote about, with a nod to “love” or ”infatuation” being related, and they are. 

 Okay, this is a “we listen, we don’t judge” but I was obsessed with a dude before and he wasn’t even my friend, he was just unconventionally attractive. Fell in love, someone in Discord enlightened me saying it actually wasn’t love and it was “infatuation”, and I fell out of love. Back to school, back to infatuation, and from staring at him to trying to give him a CD (which he left in the table after class ended), I tried to “entice” him or tell him I liked him in different ways, all while denying I was gay when asked. Soon after, I realized my dumbness, and momentarily distanced from people I knew as he got closer to people who I hanged out with. Then, it returned to “normal” again, but to a “normal” where, ever since, we both avoid each other as much as possible, and I haven’t ever apologized for staring at him or even clarified what happened. I regret not apologizing, but I fear that, to do that, I might have to come out. Also, though I can't assume how anyone feels, he seems to be doing well. 

 In all that… lies regret. What could’ve been my first love was actually an unhealthy obsession, what could’ve been me coming out was me going back in the closet further (now im back to somewhat glass closet but yk), and what could’ve been me getting a new cool friend became me losing the courage to ever talk to him for more than 5 words straight. However, as you see in the poem, I know I will meet myself and be enough, and go well both in life - love life included, i hope.

 Though everything that happened in the past, happened in the past, its remnants still linger till this day. That’s why the poem is called “regretful present”

 Well, I guess this is it. I love you all, and I hope this self made gossip was fun to read! 

 Best wishes,

 BluePuffin from the past

5th may 2025
I FORGOT TO POST THIS ONE OMG